I Don’t Elephant That

by Lucky Red Hen on November 15, 2012

There is a home builder in the area who has an elephant as part of their logo. A giant, red elephant. For some reason, their marketing people came up with substituting their elephant for a heart (which a lot of people read as “love,” such as in a graphic that states, “I [heart] you,” meaning I love you.) Or maybe they don’t mean for it to be a heart/love and really want us to read it as it looks.

I Elephant My Neighborhood

These graphics were so small that I spliced them together into a triple threat:
I Elephant Ivory Services
I Elephant I H
I Elephant My Home

A few of us on Twitter (and in real life) have adopted this terminology and sometimes confuse others when we use it, as in, “I don’t elephant that,” and, “I REALLY don’t elephant that.”

Does it make sense? No. But now you know what we mean when we use it…

elephant = love (apparently)

So if elephant equals love then what’s this next example supposed to mean? “I glove M J.” I’ll assume that it means that she loves Michael Jackson (although his famous glove was white with sparkles, not a red DON’T WALK symbol with a heart shape in the palm), but she should instead wear a shirt that says, “I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON!”

But I guess it’s better than a t-shirt printed with a bunch of hamburgers or hot dogs.

I don’t elephant that.

But I DO elephant mustard.

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Dr. Seuss’ Birthday and Condoms

by Lucky Red Hen on March 3, 2011

A Google search for "seuss birthday" led me to this page with an interesting banner ad.

What does Dr. Seuss’s birthday (which is today, March 2) have to do with condoms? I don’t know. That’s why I’ve come to you, my faithful 3 blog readers, to find out.

Maybe practicing safe secks and The Cat in The Hat (ba dump bump tsh) have something in common. But I think his other stuff shows he definitely digs abstinence (yay!)…

Would you? Could you? In a car?
I would not, could not, in a car.
A train! A train! A train! A train!
Could you, would you, on a train?
I would not, could not, in a box.
I would not, could not, with a fox.
Say! In the dark? Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?
I would not, could not, in the dark.
Would you, could you, in the rain?
Would you, could you, with a goat?
I would not, could not with a goat!
(thank goodness, I say)
Would you, could you, on a boat?
I could not, would not, on a boat.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!

And if Horton Hatches the Egg isn’t a love story about foster care and adoption, then I don’t know what my natural hair color is (I do, so there).

Happy Dr. Seuss’ birthday! We celebrated Justin Bieber’s birthday (yesterday, March 1) yesterday by frosting cupcakes with purple (his favorite color) frosting. It’s 5 o’clock (somewhere) and I wonder what we’

P.S. I dig abstinence and not using abortion as birth control. So there.

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Ollie Ollie In Come Free

by Lucky Red Hen on October 25, 2010

What’s with all the babies lately (and what’s the saying that sounds like Ollie Ollie In Come Free, and what does it mean)? As I sat here with a cricked neck (wannarubitout?), I realized that NOTHING of interest happened today worth blogging about. (Thinking again just in case. Nope, nothing.) So here’s a quick little story about my nephew, shown above.

Last Sunday at church, Ollie’s mom handed him to me and said, “He hasn’t pooped in three days, he’s cranky because of it and he’s really tired but doesn’t want to sleep.”


You tell me something like that and you bet I’ll try to fix it. And when I say fix it, I don’t mean actually get the stuff out of him by means we will not discuss here. With her youngest daughter, it was my job to put her to sleep in the last two hours of church; and I delivered, E V E R Y time. Seems that with OTHER PEOPLE’S kids (not my own, of course, when it really matters to me), I’m the baby whisperer.

And I don’t like babies. (“Whatever,” my friends say.)

So I got him cozy against my baby-friendly front and held his legs in a squat position while I gently giggled him up and down (super gently, like, barely moving). He was relaxed, dozed off and !!!SQUIRRRRRRRRT!!!   !!!SQUIRRRRTTT!!! It echoed and got the entire room turning in disbelief.

{signing off as the baby pooperer}

P.S. Neoma says… “It’s “ollie, ollie, oxen free” and means that someone kicked the can over and everyone can come out of hiding now.”

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Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

by Lucky Red Hen on July 14, 2009 is hilarious. The following link cracks me up…

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Hef's 'Like a Father'

by Lucky Red Hen on November 12, 2008

Say WHAT?!?

I got entertainment from watching The Girls Next Door, just like anyone else who likes to watch it, but for Hef to be like a FATHER to a girl (Kendra Wilkinson, whose laugh could drive me to drink) he slept with?!? Gross.

Yeah, he’s old, paid for her living expenses and bought her things like a father would do, but do they gotta go and say he’s ‘Like a Father’ to her? Eww.

How about just say she respects him or looks up to him?

P.S. Apparently, Kendra’s fiance, Hank Baskett, is a graduate from my high school in Clovis, NM.

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Optical Illusion

by Lucky Red Hen on June 29, 2008

What FUN! This isn’t moving. I snagged this off Carrie’s blog.

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The Mole

by Lucky Red Hen on June 24, 2008

…and I’m not talking about the TV show, wish I were.

The other night, when I was at the computer, Piper came over to me and asked, “Mommy, did you buy a mole for Posie to play with?” Not catching what she really said, I stopped what I was doing to look at her and asked her to repeat what she said. “Did YOU buy POSIE a MOLE to PLAY with,” she asked, like I was hard of hearing (which I am, but that’s beside the point).

At this point I (probably scrunched my nose as) I asked, “What are you talking about? What ‘mole’? Where is it?” Sometimes she gets her words mixed up.

As in today when we were watching The Waterhorse. She said, “What’s affirm tie?” What? “Affirminim taaaiiiieeee,” she said slowly. In the movie, they were talking about afternoon tea.

So back to Posie’s new toy. Piper explained that daddy said mommy bought Posie a new chew toy and it’s (points behind the couch, out of view) over there. “What does it look like,” I asked with my furrowed brow (because I’m really not getting what she’s trying to say)? She lays on the couch with her arms and legs bent up into the air and her hands cupped like bowls, looking a lot like a dead cockroach. It was hilarious, so I laugh, then ask her to do it again (while she giggled because I was laughing so hard).

We have a few chew toys for the dog: a 2.5″ stuffed pig with a squeaker in it’s tummy, fuzzy teddy bear and a duck. None of them fit her description, so I got up off my bum and walked around the couch to see.




It’s something I’ve never seen before, and it looked exactly like Piper showed me. I froze in place, not sure what it is or if I’d startle it if in fact it was ALIVE. Then I was sure daddy was playing a joke on me and sent Piper out to be the scapegoat. Dddaaaaddy!!!!,” I yelled toward the back of the house (really, how am I supposed to do the punctuation with quotations?).?. Honestly, I could’ve just SAID it because the house isn’t large enough to have to yell, LOL.

“What IS THIS?!”

“What is WHAT?” Ben replied.

“Get over here NOW,” I demanded!

He and Jack came trotting down the hall, saw what I was talking about and, nonchalantly, replied, “Oh, that’s the new toy you bought Posie to play with. She’s been chewing on it the last couple hours. Had it on the couch, in her bed, throwing it around the family room. She’s been having a blast with it.”

“I did NOT buy that thing,” I shrieked.

“Then where’d it come from?”

“I don’t KNOW where it CAME FROM but YOU’RE getting RID of it!”

“But Posie has been having so much fun with it. Maybe it’s one of the kids’ toys.”

With my voice raised a few octaves, “No, it is NOT one of the kids’ toys. GET. RID. OF. IT.”

We both leaned over toward it and realized it was a dead one of these

…in our family room, on the floor, after a few hours of being flung around by the dog.

Everybody, squirm with me…. eeeeewwwwwwww.

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My Cupcakes

by Lucky Red Hen on June 20, 2008

Saw this post on Cupcakes Take the Cake blog and can’t get the Milkshakes song out of my head :) Jess from Sugadeaux Cupcakes in Australia is the model of the “my cupcakes bring all the boys to the yard” t-shirt; you can purchase yours here. I heart cupcakes.

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