Would YOU Do This On A Plane?!?

by Lucky Red Hen on September 12, 2011

Instead of flying yesterday, September 11th, I instead flew the day before, avoiding much of the drama (http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/911-airplane-scare-fbi-bathroom-make-outs/story?id=14501455) that was inevitably going to happen the day after.

It was a long day start to finish… left the house at 9:30am and arrived in Texas at 6:30pm, stopping in Phoenix (to change planes and eat at Nathan’s Famous Dog’s – perfect fries, but wish I would’ve eaten a Chicken Caesar Salad instead of the fried tenders and cola beverage) and Albuquerque (yeah, I spelled that right the FIRST time WITHOUT spell check, thankyouverymuch; is that a tell tale sign I’m a New Mexican? Hey! Does that sorta mean I’m a Mexican?!? Ei ei ei!!!).

Because of the long day, I ended up partaking of the free (boring) in-flight (dry) snacks (could I get a celery stick over here?) and making a mess (this, folks, is NOT shocking). Unfortunately I am NOT known for my personal tidiness. Not that I’m a slob, I don’t think (please refrain from contradicting me and bursting my bubble), but I think that my protruding shirt gets in the way of my mouth and the floor where the ninja dog can clean up my spills. Butter. Butter is the WORST culprit and cause of my expanding shirt budget.

So the notorious honey-roasted peanuts are what did me in this day. Their salty sweetness hook me every time. There are only about five nuts in that tiny bag, but those five are nestled in billions of salty-sweet particles of goodness! I place the partially opened tiny bag toward my mouth and pop a couple nuts in, but my teeth end up touching the bag :p Eww. We don’t know where that bag has BEEN! The next attempt I find myself tilting my head way back so I won’t accidentally have teeth-to-bag touchage, and instead have billions of salty-sweet-particles-to-cleavage touchage instead! Eek!


Being the good sport I am (usually), I giggle and shake my head. The steward happens by me at just that moment and says with a concerned look, “Is there something I can do for you?” I giggle again, “Um, probably not. I just poured salty-sweet goodness down the inside of my shirt!” “Ahh! Yeah, I guess I can’t help you with that,” he replied with a wink.

When I stand up to head to the lavatory so I can clean the particles out, I notice they fall further and spread sideways with the gravity. Great. Spreadage.

However, and this is where the story gets good (to me, maybe you’ll gross out – in fact, if you’re even slightly cautious about more-than-likely grossing out because you know me and how I am pretty good at doing that, you may want to stop here. At the end of it all I am cleaned up and salty-sweetnessed free.)

In the lavatory, I decide that I might as well take advantage of my morning’s Facebook post (plus it’d be the most efficient way to make sure to be particle-free). Here’s how it went:

My status update: Wear mascara for a day of flying and layovers or go au naturale so I don’t have to worry about raccoon eyes if I fall asleep on the plane?

Bob: Do they let you go au naturale on a public plane?

Me: Haha, Bob :) Maybe I’ll have to do that in the lavatory just to say I did ;)

So I did. I even pulled my feet out from my flip flops (stood on top of them; there’s NO WAY I’d touch that floor with my bare feet – have you SEEN it in there after a little boy comes out when there’s been turbulence?!?) I was buck nekid at 30,000 or so feet :D It wasn’t easy (those lavatories aren’t built for comfort) nor flattering (fluorescent lights and gravity pull at that altitude, oy), but I can say that’s the highest point I’ve ever been nekid :D

Q: What have YOU done that’s uncommon/rare on a plane?

P.S. Sorry, no picture for today’s post :p Actually, I’m doing YOU a favor ;)

[edit: I’ve received one text from someone who’s joined my club since inspiring them with this post. Haha!]


luckyzmom September 12, 2011 at 9:05 pm

I am howling right now:O And, since your great grandmother was left on the doorstep of the NY Foundling Home, there is a possibility that you are part Mexican!

Sarah L. September 13, 2011 at 5:51 am

What if the plane crashed? They would have found you naked! And then your family would have said something really cheesy like, “At least she died doing something she loved. Being naked.”

Neoma September 13, 2011 at 6:48 am

Shannon, you make me laugh. I’m sad you moved, especially right after you were made my visiting teacher :( But I guess I can still be your friend, anyway. The only funny thing I did on a plane was sing the Eensy, Weensy Spider about 500 times in a row (its the only thing that would keep my toddler contained); but I guess that’s not actually very funny.

SouthernMan September 16, 2011 at 2:54 am

This is my favorite post of yours in a long time. I’m glad you spilled salty sweetness down your cleavage. I’ll bet you have natural salty sweetness without spilling a thing.

Thanks for the smile today. I fly tomorrow. Should I try the high altitude nakedness? I know I won’t be wearing any mascara. What exactly is a creeper?

Lucky Red Hen September 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Yes, you should try it! I think it’s funny :D And, to me (in one line, this definition might be too short), a creeper is someone who doesn’t have Christ-like intentions when pursuing a friendship.

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