personal

Today was a rough one (warning: death is involved, so if that is hard for you to read about, read THIS instead and check back later for a different post).

I woke up early (you’d think so, but that wasn’t the rough part) to get ready for a solo trip to the Seattle Art Museum. This no-children-all-day-while-they’re-at-school is mighty nice.

However, before I head out of the house I usually check the interweb (get it, web, it’s Halloween month) for the latest news. Unfortunately, this morning brought news of the unexpected early birth and death of my friends baby.

A few years ago I had the privilege of documenting the short life and death of another pre-term baby, Natalie Anne (her name is forever on my heart), who was the second baby for that couple to not make it past infancy. They had found me through a bereavement photography service I had registered with called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (photographers donate their time for nothing in exchange).

Never having experienced or seen a baby who’s passed away, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got to the hospital. On my way there, I prayed… a LOT. I asked for strength and composure for myself and peace and comfort for the family. My heart told me it would be o.k. Because I have a belief that we will live beyond this earthly life in heaven, and with our family, I maintained my composure (the family did too; they also believe the same blessing) while taking pictures for them.

She was tiny, about 12 oz (not even one pound) and only 17 weeks gestation. Her skin was very thin and almost translucent, giving her overall appearance a very dark red coloring. But she wasn’t as un-formed as I thought she’d look (I pictured an alien). Her face was tiny, but all her features were there. Her tiny toes and fingers looked healthy and she looked peaceful. She was beautiful. She had fingernails, pouty lips and a little button nose (oh! that little button nose). Her knees bent, wrists flopped and head tilted. She was, in fact, a human being. That she didn’t live past two, short breaths doesn’t make her invisible. That she didn’t open her eyes to see the world around her and gaze into her adoring mothers eyes doesn’t mean those 17 weeks of growth were for nothing.

She was a human being.

Not because she took those two breaths but because she was created in God’s image. She was moving, growing and developing since the moment she was conceived.

[At this point in my typing, I started feeling angry and wanted to put out a for-life statement.
But today isn’t the day for that.]

Today is a day for putting our faith in our Heavenly Father that He can give us peace for the heartache we cannot understand.

So today I dedicated to the Barry’s and not to the Seattle Art Museum. They were experiencing grief in the moment whereas the exhibits could wait for me. Today I was humbled to be a part of their families sacred time. I was on the Lord’s errand.

“I will go, I will do, the things the Lord commands.”

Their other five children had their own ways of dealing with the grief of losing the baby brother they’ve been so excited about. I watched in awe at the strength and gentleness of their grieving mother who bravely explained to them in a way they could understand what happened: The babies body wasn’t strong enough to live. His heart wasn’t growing right and couldn’t keep him alive. They performed CPR on him to try and get his heart to start beating again. The cord was wrapped around his neck two times. The doctor and nurses in the operating room were all crying. This was the first baby this doctor delivered that died. His spirit is with Heavenly Father even though his body is left here. We won’t be bringing him home. I’m proud of you for crying because it means you understand what’s happened and it will help you feel better. What should we name him. What about a middle name?

Thank you, Barry family, for trusting me to be there. I’m grateful for the opportunity to serve.

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In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

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If you link to my blog and I DON’T have you listed on my sidebar linkies, would you kindly leave a comment here with your URL (link address) so I can consider adding you?

I say “consider” because if you’re pron, a sicko (not in the physical sense, but the mental), don’t regularly post (why give my readers, all 3 of them, a dead link), post pictures or text that might be considered offensive by the majority of my readers (again, all 3 of them, so that’s a tight margin and not very good odds), a better photographer than me that I don’t know in person (really, why would I want to point out that I’m not as good as I think I am, hmm?), don’t linkie to me or someone I just don’t want to link to then I won’t add the link.

That’s pretty simple, isn’t it?

Maybe I already have everybody (all 3 of you) that reads me (and my poor comment section will remain neglected).

Poor, poor section.

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Oh, the name :) I thought I had explained the name on my blog before, but I just looked and it seems I hadn’t… just posted the logo. I get asked that all the time and wish I had a fun story, but I don’t. It was quite the process going over all sorts of possible words and phrases. Somewhere, probably still in moving boxes from over a year ago, there are scratch papers with ideas written then scribbled out.

My actual name is already taken by an comedic actress and a girl involved in a murder (two different people, not a murdering actress), so using my name plus ‘photography’ was out. Besides, our last name gets butchered all the time as Hudson, Hodgkins, Hobson and Hubson so I didn’t want to worry about spelling over and over (see my side bar on baby names to get my drift).

Two worded phrases that I thought might work were already being used (Hocus Focus anyone?), so I had to go with three and do a search to make sure the three don’t come up in an existing business.

I have a beef about mispelling on purpose too: Kim’s Kreations, Krazy Kar Korner (isn’t that an actual business name in Utah somewhere?), Foto To Go, Sooper Sweaty (you catch what I’m throwing here, don’tcha?)

Although I don’t believe in being lucky (like Harpo, “I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity”), I like the word a lot. When I see it written or hear someone say it I get happy inside – it’s a happy word. I love the color red, not so much to wear but to look at and decorate with (considered using “rosso” instead of red but figured I’m not Italian, nor do I speak Italian, so that went out the window). My very first eBay purchase years ago was a 41′ wooden rooster from Africa (I had a thing for roosters but it’s not like I want a bunch of rooster stuff all over my house), but I’m a girl so I adapted to use hen (chick didn’t flow) instead of rooster.

Since the name story is so boring, maybe you could come up with a better one? When someone asks me, “How did you come up with your name?” I could have something much clever to say! Add it to the comments and we’ll vote to see which one is the best. Come on, let’s play…

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Last time I went to a Beauty School for a Do, it turned out FANTASTIC. But that gal (Kylie) has graduated (both from HS and Beauty School) so I have to start all over.

Fortunately, Bridgette, Mark + Owen are here unexpectedly for a few days vacation. Unfortunately that means that we decided it’d be a good time to get the family picture taken (sans Bryant + Brad since they’re in Chile for another year) for the folks’ annual Christmas letter with picture. Now, I don’t mind getting my pic taken. I hope I don’t look fatter than I am (some angles are just not flattering as others – and I’m not saying I’m FAT, so don’t patronize me by trying to convince me that I have a fantastic figure – spare me), but I try to give it my Alma Mater best.

Which is a little tangent I’d like to share for a sec…

It’s better to have pictures of you TRYING to look good than you grimacing, hand in face, turning away, yelling “Don’t take my picture!” or running from the camera. Practice in the mirror, turn your PnS (point-n-shoot) on Timer and let it click away while you move around and check out all the possible poses to find the most flattering.

You might say, “But I don’t have make-up on,” or “I’m too fat.” You know, it is what it is… get over it and take a picture. Then you’ll have pictures to compare your BEFORE and AFTER looks and appreciate them each for what they are.

Pictures are cool… you should have some of yourself, if not for you then for your family, friends, kids, husband, wife (hopefully you don’t have both of those) or 11 o’clock news. You never know when you might be on the news (Ben and I were on our first date).

P.S. If you’re an iPhone lovah, click the iPhone link at the top of the page for a video. I love that guy!

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