Will The Witness Please Approach The Stand?

When the 1st freaky thing happened this week (technically it was Saturday, but if we’re counting a week as 7 days I’m within the time frame, as opposed to Sunday – Saturday) I wasn’t shocked. I suppose I should’ve been, like everyone else in proximity, but I wasn’t.

As soon as Jack’s soccer game started the action began; off the field, not on (well, on the field of course because there are a bunch of 6 year olds running around after a ball). I glance over and see a mom ask her little 4yr old girl if the baby ate anything while finger-swiping the baby’s mouth and pounding on his back. Other parents around surrounded her suggesting different techniques to get the lodged item out while I stood there, in my same spot, watching. I noticed the baby’s body go limp before anyone else did (the mom was still trying to get whatever it was out of the mouth) and proceeded to call 911 (the baby quickly turned purple/blue). There had to have been about 6 other parents hovering over but nobody heard me say I’m calling 911. As the operator asked me where we were the mom squealed to call 911 and I finally got through to them that I was already on the phone and the paramedics were on their way. I was the only one staying calm. Maybe it was because I don’t know the mom or the baby. Perhaps it’s because I don’t usually freak out in emergencies (I could tell you stories about the school losing my kindergartener SEVERAL times last year). Whatever the reason I’m glad that’s the way I am because you need someone to keep their cool sometimes. It was almost like I was standing outside of myself – kinda; it was a very scary situation. Afterwards another mom complimented me on my ability to stay calm and quickly call 911. Somebody had to. I hope that if ever (knock on wood) I have a moment of panic involving my children that someone near will be calm for me. (The baby finally came too and the mom drove him to the hospital before the paramedics arrived.)

So that was 1.

Then yesterday Piper and I were running errands (she’s done with the UTI that involved E Coli – that is another story too; but now has a nasty let’s-wake-up-every-hour head/chest cold) and stopped at Kohl’s to do a return. Oh, and compulsive shop…picked up a pink Happy Bunny shirt for Piper that reads, “I already know I’m perfect so stop staring.” As we left the store and got to the car I noticed 2 women running with a baby stroller to their car. Hmm. Whatever. Put Piper in her seat and looked back at their car. They were grabbing PILES of baby clothes on hangers out of the bottom basket of the stroller and tossing them onto the floor of the back seat – no Kohl’s bags in sight. They were RUSHING to get the baby (there was a real baby in the stroller at least) and the merchandise into the car while looking over their shoulder at the store doors. Shoplifters, definitely. Got into my car and pulled up to the store doors to go tell the cashier (prices go up to compensate for shoplifters — I LIKE the cheap deals). As I drove out after them (they were TEARING out of the parking lot), trying not to look suspicious, I got their license plate number and called the number on my Kohl’s receipt to report it. After a zillion “Push X for jewelry. Push Y for childrens…” I finally got a live person and gave them the info.

So, what should my new name be in the Witness Protection Program? I hope they relocate us to some place exotic and tranquil. What would you want yours to be?