Are you aware of what a SECRET is? In case you don’t or have forgotten (maybe it’s you who needs to be reminded), here’s the definition from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/secret…
se·cret
3. faithful or cautious in keeping confidential matters confidential; close-mouthed; reticent.
4. designed or working to escape notice, knowledge, or observation: a secret drawer; the secret police.
5. secluded, sheltered, or withdrawn: a secret hiding place.
6. beyond ordinary human understanding; esoteric.
7. (of information, a document, etc.) a. bearing the classification secret. b. limited to persons authorized to use information documents, etc., so classified.
8. something that is or is kept secret, hidden, or concealed.
10. a reason or explanation not immediately or generally apparent.
11. a method, formula, plan, etc., known only to the initiated or the few: the secret of happiness; a trade secret.
12. a classification assigned to information, a document, etc., considered less vital to security than top-secret but more vital than confidential, and limiting its use to persons who have been cleared, as by various government agencies, as trustworthy to handle such material. Compare classification ( def. 5 ) .
14. in secret, unknown to others; in private; secretly: A resistance movement was already being organized in secret.
Basically, all that means is
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
until given the green light to share it.
I pride myself in keeping confidences. Somehow, I’m the kind of person that people pour their private and extremely personal feelings to shortly after meeting me.
For example: The second time I met someone (the first time was a brief introduction), they shared huge, emotionally scarring information with me that only their spouse, one relative and therapist knew about. I’m like a magnet that way.
That was years ago and my husband has never even gotten a clue about it from me.
Other people, however, have some innate desire to spew secrets to the next person they see. Or, and this drives me mad, they tell their spouse E V E R Y T H I N G.
Yes, I know, the relationship between spouses should be the most trustful, open and honest relationship we have (next to God). However, if the information has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP I don’t understand your need to tell your spouse (probably the same way that you don’t understand why I don’t tell mine everything like you tell yours).
For instance, Dave tells Mike in confidence that he has a rash down there. Mike tells his wife. WHY?!? WHY DOES MIKE FEEL HE NEEDS TO TELL HIS WIFE?!? It has nothing to do with Mike or his wife (unless it does, but that’s a whole ‘nother (inappropriate) post). ESPECIALLY if Dave tells Mike implicitly NOT to tell anyone; AND especially if Mike promises not to tell…ANYONE (that includes any person, which would include a spouse… psst, they’re a person).
What is this urge people have to gossip? It’s one thing to tell a funny story about something happening (that’s not supposed to be private or a secret), or share an experience (that’s not a secret) a friend had that relates to a subject people are talking about. But personal stuff, things that aren’t supposed to be spread around, should be kept private.
Tell you what… I’m less likely to trust you if you can’t keep a secret. Don’t you WANT people to trust you? Hmm. Maybe you don’t. In that case I’ll put you on my DON’T TELL ANYTHING list.
There are reasons why someone wishes you keep their secret. Maybe you don’t agree or understand their reasoning, maybe they don’t give you a reason… they shouldn’t have to (especially if you can’t keep a secret because then you’d know even MORE about that person to spread around)!
What if you can’t keep a secret? Then you make sure you tell that person who’s expecting you to keep it that you CANNOT KEEP A SECRET!!! If you tell me you cannot keep my secret, I will not tell you my secret then we can both keep living happily ever after in our friendship because “No Harm, No Foul!”
I’ve told a few people a secret, they’ve sworn their secrecy (not by blood or written oath; maybe I should start doing that), then they told other people… WHICH GOT BACK TO ME! Imagine all the people who know that I don’t know about?!? That ENFURIATES ME TO NO END!!!
And I’ve been so HAPPY lately :D Happiness, happiness, la la la! Then I feel like my friends have pee’d on me. WHAT?!? PEE’D?!? Yes, I said it, because that’s how I feel (and y’all know I tell it like it is). I wouldn’t just say, “They hurt my feelings,” or “I’m bummed I cannot trust them,” because those words aren’t strong enough for how I feel about backstabbers. Ohh, “backstabbers” I say?!? Yes, I’m PISSED BEYOND PISSED even though I should be mellow and forgiving and calm and whatever else I should be right now.
Maybe I shouldn’t be writing in the midst of pissedness. Maybe I shouldn’t post this either. But, here’s the thing. I actually started this post over a week ago, wondering if I would go through with publishing it or if I just needed an outlet then delete it. But this morning I got hit with another confirmation that someone (or more than one) couldn’t keep their mouth shut.
This is a HUGE testament of my faith in people. I wish I had more, but it’s not going to happen if they keep peeing on me.
[EDIT] P.S. I don’t need to be called, texted, emailed or messaged about how you disagree with me and think I’m horrible for saying these things. I’ve gotten enough of those, thanks. So if I don’t answer or call/text/email/msg you back about it, don’t take it personally (or do, whatever you want, but I’m not interested in discussing it over and over and over and over…)
(for some reason I cannot figure out, paragraph spacing is messed up; so pardon the cramped page)
{ 8 comments }
It wasn’t me! (was it?)
So happy to say it wasnt me. ..cause we havent shared stuff like tnat just yet. So sorry this has happened to you. Makes you really keep your guard up.
Years ago I hear a Shakespeare quote that I “didn’t get” — now, as an adult it has become my favorite & your post reminds me of it:
“Love All, Trust Few, Do Wrong to None”
The “Trust Few” part used to throw me off — Why wouldn’t I trust everyone?? But, I have now learned that people look at trust in so many different ways. It just seems better to trust the “few”….
Sorry you are dealing with this!
Sing it, sistah!
Do you believe that months from now such words against those that may love you much are needed? I wonder if you’ve ever done the same to another in your life without intended harm?
Love your tweets. Hope the secret did not cause you or your family any harm or loss of income. Trust is precious and I am sorry to hear it was broken. I just hope that with the trust that was broken it does not break more than what you are intending.
Boo on the people who aren’t keeping your secrets. I hope you find some trustworthy secret-keepers who stick around for the long haul.
:) Thank you for your comment, Tom T.
If I’ve ever done the same I would hope I would be told so that I could make it right.
The words I used seem harsh, but if you knew me, as those who spilled the beans do, it would be the same words as I’ve said to you in person (and I’ve told everyone who’s told the secret without permission in person that I think it sucks they told my secret before this was posted). However, in person it might not come across as strong as the written word. I’m using the blog as a way to communicate how horrible it feels to be treated this way so that people will know and, hopefully, avoid making the same mistake.
If there isn’t trust, what’s the point?
bummer, sorry. Hey, so when the “secret” is finally OUT….can you tell me what it is? Just a litle curious :)
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